The Birth of Cool

From the grey wasteland that is Coventry via god’s green and pleasant Birmingham to the barren badlands of Sandwell. Throughout this hellish trip I put the iPod on and my spirts were lifted by this one simple thought. Not only am I a stylistic trend setter, a guru off greatness and a sex symbol to all the boys and girls in bowls land, my music taste is miles cooler than yours. It was a shame others weren’t in on the journey to hear what came out of the shuffle facility. From Nick Cave to U2 (back when they were good) through Sinatra and Scott Walker then a detour via Roxy music, Bowie, Philip Glass and Leonard Cohen before finishing to the pulsating beats of LCD Soundsystem. I am not sure if Ada was impressed with the impromptu disco driving in to the green but he certainly didn’t fancy a boogie when I asked him, maybe he would be more receptive to hot chip or maybe Franz Schubert’s Valses Nobles would encourage him to get his dancing shoes on? I know it leaves my foot a tapping.

There is an old wives tale in the black country about the weather. Apparently its similar to the one that goes on about if cows are sitting or standing in a field meaning it’s about to rain or not. The saying goes "the position of Lyndon’s beard can help you forecast the weather". I have no clue if this holds true but the fact he had it wrapped four times round his neck like a scarf pretty much confirmed that it was bloody freezing. A further clue was that my opponent Paul Patrick was dressed like Han Solo in his Hoth gear. As I jumped out the car in my t shirt, braving the arctic conditions, Paul shot over full of concern giving me a leaflet on how to treat frostbite. He just stopped short of killing a nearby Wompa, gutting it and stuffing me inside, but only because we had been called to the green.

Paul took two of his coats off as I explained I can’t bowl in anything that restricts my arms. Paul was the first of 22 people that evening to explain I can’t bowl with things not restricting my arms either. Even the fella who served me at the petrol station made that joke. 3 coats Patrick bowled very well and I can have no complaints at only getting a snappy 10.

Carl Hazlehurst got a very creditable 16 against the always impressive Craig Dugdale.

Stuart got 14 against MVP Phil Wain in what was described as a game of high quality. I asked the same people to rate my game compared to Stuart's, and they suggested Stuarts game was like watching HD TV whereas mine was like watching a reconditioned black and white Goldline through a dirty Radio Rentals window. Last week I said this was a nice bunch - scratch that they are meanies.

The beard rounded out the first four Losing 17 to Bob Jones. Lyndon argued that as the beard is now a separate entity that sends the bowls and is merely transported by him that the loss should go against the beards averages. Nick though hadn’t registered the beard in time so the loss goes against Lyndon. I am not sure what the rule is on Symbiotic beard man relationships but now they have relaxed the scoreboard rule (several years too late to save Scotty walking around the Kings Norton waving his scoreboard above his head) we should get away with it.


Despite keeping an impression of a warm readybrek like glow around me the freezing wind had caused my nether regions to crawl inside me for warmth and the frostbite in my fingers ironically prevented me from opening the damn leaflet.

John Newey started well against Ian Bown but couldn’t hold the block long enough and feeling sorry for my low score decided to be polite and match it.

Meanwhile Chris Marshman had the same idea feeling that he had to make the new boy feel better about his average performance, calling it a day as he hit double figures against Adam Patrick.

Nick Wyer continued his perfect start to the season with a county like MVP performance beating Jordan Patrick to 17.

Nick Howells managed to scrape the frost from his glasses before bowling very well to frustrate Ben Harris on his way to a 15 loss.

Not a great result really but on a hard away green that had to be gritted just before kick at least we avoided any slips, falls, broken bones and killer snowmen.

Rosebud...........................

The wind blew hard and the blossom from the nearby Apple blossom trees swirled around us, enveloping all on the green in a scene straight out of a snow globe. It was a beautiful - I almost expected us to crash to the floor as a dying breath almost imperceptibly mutters “Rosebud”

It is not easy inserting snow globes into a report without mentioning the triumph of a film that is Citizen Kane, and if I mention Citizen Kane then I will go on to talk about how much I prefer A touch of Evil. Then suddenly we are a high class film review blog that will alienate and then drive away both of our readers so I will start again. (and you are wrong about which is a better film!! Ed.)



The wind blew hard and the blossom from the nearby Apple blossom trees swirled around us, enveloping all on the green in a scene straight out of a snow globe. I had an uneasy feeling that just like 80’s hospital drama St Elsewhere my whole life was just the imaginings of an Autistic child probably called Tommy Westphall. My only regret from this scenario would be I never got to meet Ed Begley Jnr.

I hope that sound isn’t people stopping reading the blog because I assure you there is gold ahead!! I am just stalling because in all honesty this was a very dull game of bowls. A game so dull that it would even bore the old biddies who sit there watching the indoor flat rubbish, knitting and napping, only occassionally waking to go “wooooooo” when they play their ludicrous double point’s joker. I am going to rant now - anyone who believes a double points joker has any place outside of it’s a knockout should be made to watch a complete game of that tripe and then be shot. I am now annoyed because I am not sure if it’s acceptable to talk about it’s a knockout now because of Stuart Hall and his belief that playing his Joker allowed him to sleep with underage girls. Why couldn’t it have been Jim bloody Bowen! I would have much preferred never having to flick through the TV and catch bloody reruns of F’N Bullseye. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Anyway on to the fun of the game

Larry bowled very well in his win to 8 and to be honest that was the highlight.

I wasn’t much cop and the only bowl that was good I thought was rubbish. Fortunately for me my opponent also had an off day and I won 7.

Dave Isokay was well down and Wiggy had already marked the card as a loss. There was life in Dave though as the winning show out was premature and Dave came roaring back to finish with 19 against famous baseball player Shoeless Stuart.

Chris Greenhill was having a relapse into shouty, stressy Chris but we located his Dummy, his special blanket and bunny foo foo. This had a calming effect on the highly strung youngster and he managed to win to 19.

After 4 we were ropey but 27 up.

The middle four continued the mediocrity with only newcomer Dave Follows finding much of a rhythm in his win to 12.



Steve’s struggles at home continued but Steve is a dogged character who rarely gives much away and battled to 16.



Smiling Johnny Price was having an up and down game but picked up the comfortable win to 12.



Richie again like most of us never really hit the heights but again his class shone through at vital times as he won to 10.

After 8 we were up by 51 and still ropey.


Wiggy was up at nine and last season’s service was resumed as Wigs wins 3 in a game that defies description, so I won’t bother. What I will do, however, is elucidate on what happened when I offered Twiggy up to medical science.


I emailed the world renowned slice'n'dice academy for the pretty much useless torture of dumb animals and had a long E-mail chain of correspondence with Dr Rick Niviera. He was very keen on getting his hands on a nearly human species with some rudimentary cognitive reasoning. Dr Rick was keen to make sure any tests done would give him better results than that of a rodent or a monkey and set about a series of challenges for Wiggly. The first challenge was set to be a maze with Wiggy and the rodent starting at opposite ends and the winner would be the first to make it to the middle. Before the contest got underway Wigs needed to relieve himself and headed to the bathroom that was straight down the hall last door on the right. After 42 minutes the mouse had completed the maze 3 times, once backward and blindfolded, but there was still no sign of Wiggy. Dr Rick and I went off in search and, 2 floors down from behind the first door on the left, we heard whimpering. We opened the door to find Wiggy widdling into several cups and a saucer. The poor lamb had got lost and in his desperation had to relive himself behind the first door he could find. The whimpering came from the poor family whose morning tea Wiggy had chosen to use as a urinal.


Dr Rick was not best pleased, realising that Graham was useless for orientation tests even if he had an ear sown to his back. That and his manners stank to boot. Wigglers only chance of redemption and a shot at a somewhat short and pointless career was to beat the Chimp at a krypton factor like mental dexterity game. The opponents lined up behind two Pyrex tubes and the aim was to take the coloured rings out of tube A and rearrange them in the same pattern in tube B. Before the start we Gave wiggy a cap as it was hard to tell the difference between him and the monkey. To my shock and disgust Wigg grumbled, chewed the cap, then defecated in it and threw it at the doctors. Jack the chimp was disgusted by such uncouth behaviour and stormed off to swing from a tyre in a tree and contemplate the future evolution of his species. Wigg attempted the puzzle but after getting his head stuck in Tube 2 the experiment was cancelled and Dr Rick hurled us both from the building.



I know what my mistake was, I set the bar too high, pitting Wiggy against a mouse and a chimp was just asking for trouble. So with Wiggy in tow I returned to the Olton and once again had to gaze upon the disappointed faces who had pinned their hopes on me ridding them of Wiggleton.

Next Week we join the French foreign legion.

Back to the game, altough i really wish I didn't have to!

Jack had swapped places with the Killer and if I am being totally honest I have no recollection of this game but apparently he won 18.

Jaymo started badly before coming back into the game from 17 across though his opponent with the blue marbles went ballistic bowling beautiful bowls to leave Chris on 17.

The White Hart had been silent pretty much all day but to Scotty’s chagrin decided that 70 down was the line in the sand and they were in full voice with chants of "No Pasarán", getting behind their number 12 in a desperate attempt to keep the score below the arbitrary marker. Scott bowled pretty well and was comfortable throughout but somehow found himself having to pull out crackers to win to 19, giving us the 70 plus the White Hart were trying so hard to avoid. "Hemos pasado", replied Generalisimo Craggers

So after all 12 games were complete we won 70 shots, and were ropier than Ropey McRopes Rope and Rope emporium

In all truth this was a sloppy game with no real intensity and with a complete lack of concentration. The blame for this has to go squarely on the shoulders of a very handsome and epically well-endowed young man called Craig. As captain, I need to set a tone and entrench standards across the team. I fell well short in all areas Saturday and I just wasn’t with it at all. Do not get used to it!! We are away on Saturday and I will be driving you all on, be prepared because the Real Craggers is Coming.

Craggers adventures in Wolverhampton land

This year Captain Craggers is playing for Woodfield BC in the Summit Garage League. He wrote a report last week but it wasn't very good and there were no pictures. As editor, I have decided to skip it and start with his trip to The Windmill in Cannock last night.

I set my sat nav for the Windmill and as per usual went a completely different way to the previous efforts and spent the 95% of the journey having absolutely no clue if the sat nav was directing me to the correct place or not. By now I was on top of a dirty great hill and could hear the low moans of a distant Stan Collymore either still very excited by Villas cup semi success or he was back up to no good in the back of a nova. With these clues I knew I was close. “Turn right and you have reached your destination” the sat nav told me in her sultry seductive voice. I duly obliged and she soon turned from seductive to viscious “ that’s a garden you fool I said right”. I don’t like this new technology its always shouting at me. You should have heard what the toaster called me after burning the toast it was truly shocking, I didn’t know what one of those was let alone that it could be inserted there and twisted.

It was a beautiful gorgeous warm evening at sea level but up at windmill height there was still a snow bank to be cleared and everyone was dressed up ready for an ice age.

I was beginning to regret leaving my jumper in the car and later on I would regret not leaving my woods in it. Things weren’t going well for the first four with the Windmill guys bowling extremely well. Carl and Chris bowled better than their scores of 7 and 12 suggested but Micky Bardsley and Glynn Storer were on good form. Stuart pulled out some amazing shots to battle to 10 and John Newey Fell just short of the victory that looked likely losing to 20.

The second four was a much closer affair with the green slowing up end by end nobody managed to get away from their opponent. Lyndon Hazlehurst, who now isn’t legally allowed to shave due to two endangered species of bird making nest in his beard, bowled very well to win 20. Nick Wyer also won to 20 with another fine performance. My own game was interesting for the amount of tapes called and subsequent jacks thrown back, although in my defence some were inches short of a mark and as the green got slower those inches turned to feet and metres. One may even have been a furlong short of a mark but it was picking up the dew by then. Lee Cavill punished the last of these badly set blocks with a run of twos that cracked the game open and left me not so much tilting at windmills as aiming at imaginary blocks and finishing with 16. Nick Howells and his glow in the dark woods were last on the green and despite a heroic effort finished on the wrong side of an 18 shot loss.

So 2 winners and a few that could have gone either way but it was a spirited effort after last weeks home defeat. I eventually got home with a record low six wrong turnings which pleased me no end as last time I drove away from the windmill on my own it took me 3 hours to get back to civilisation.

A visit to the (slightly) wilder side of town

We gathered at the green waiting for our last player to turn up
allowing us to get over to the Hall green in plenty of time when at about two
o'clock a waitress pops her head round the door. "Food for the
Greenhill family" she announced. I said i would pass it on, i hadn't got the heart to
tell the young girl the only Greenhill that was here was Chris and it
would only take him five Min's to demolish the lot.

two questions did pop into my mind though - who on earth orders their
grub minutes before we are due to leave? And who on earth orders two
different types of fries with their sandwich? the answer Chris bloody
Greenhill that's who.

With Chris fully fed and watered we took the ten minute trip to Hall
Green and after last weeks horror stories we were pleasantly surprised
to see the condition of the green.

The order was changed slightly today and i decided i would go number 1
and see if Hall green kept Martin as there number 1. To my eternal
delight they hadn't as the way I played I probably wouldn't have got
many. As it turns out after a bright start i was pegged back and i
eventually stumbled across the line 21-17.

Dave Isgood was nip and tuck throughout but held his nerve and turned
in a winning card to 17.

Larry was flying out of the blocks and at 19-6 up a single figure card
was looking odds on. Hall Green, however, is one of those greens and
there is always a run for the home bowler around the corner. Larry
managed to squash the comeback at the 14 mark though just as it was
gaining some serious momentum.

An invader from the north hasn't had as big an impact as Ian Jackson since
the Great Heathen Army led by the Brothers Ivar the Boneless, Halfdan
and Ubba arrived in east Anglia. That or when everyone in England
simple mindedly watched last of the summer wine every Sunday. Ian's
start even eclipsed the lamb and with him at 18-4 it looked like we
may be onto a blockbuster start. Again though the willy homester found
an out mark and started putting a run together. Fortunately for us the
northern scourge managed to pillage a victory to 10.

So the first four winners and a lead of 26 was a more than
satisfactory start even if at one stage it looked as though it could
be a fair few more.

We put wiggy on 5 just for this eventuality hoping he could follow up
the good work and extend our lead. Unfortunately it wasn't to be as Wiggy
wasn't on top form and his opponent bowled very well. As wiggly is
acutely aware and will be reminded of constantly, however, a bad decision and a
case of hubris equal a defeat to 13. In the ever annoying ones
defense he has been putting up with the undefeated pressure nonsense
for two long and now perhaps he can relax a tad and get back to the
bowling. Last week i also promised to tell you about the time i tried
to sell him to the travelling circus and i never break a promise.

I was minding my own business walking along the a45 just past the
park by where studio caves used to be and i found myself approached by
a stout man in a red suit and a top hat. I thought he wanted a game
of bowls because he kept shouting roll up roll up. "Cranky sod" i
thought, so I directed him to the Greville as he would fit in up
there. Before i wandered off he managed to explain to me that he
owned a circus and was looking to fill some vacancies he had. The
light bulb went of and realised this could be my chance to get rid of
Wiggly. I said we had a right clown of our own and suggested him for a few roles. The
first was as a trapeze artist but once i found out they use safety
nets i realised i wasn't going to be able to get him hurt so we moved
to plan B. Since the circus had a crash on the M40 with an Immac lorry, they were without a bearded lady.
Perfect i thought, Wiggy is a little womanly and surely At his age he can grow
some facial fuzz. 6 weeks later not a sprout and he was balder than Cj's
head. We rubbed his face with Shane Warne's miracle grow mixed with
manure and put a heat lamp on his chin, all it did was give his chin a
nice tan and made him smell a little better. My dreams crushed and the
circus owner now bankrupt we went our separate ways and wiggy is still
a taverner. Don't worry guys i am still trying and don't miss next
week when i recount the time i tied to donate him to medical science.

JP was next up and managed to go all game without smiling, although
sharing the green with wiggy does that to me too. JP was never really
in top gear but crucial shots at the end of the game meant he gave
very little away losing 17.

Meanwhile Richie was locked in a close battle swapping the lead as
often as i would swap shirts if i was playing in the ladies FA cup
final. Richie made the decisive run at the death to pip his game
21-18.

Steve's game was more like the first four as he bowled very well in
order to lead 16-8 eight ends later though he would find himself
deadlocked at 17. Steve redoubled his efforts though and finished with
two quickfire doubles to win 17.

After 8 6 winners and a lead of 21.

I knew when we did the draw Hall green had left their best two till
last. 21 though is a good lead especially with the experience i had at
11 and 12. the question was always what will the unpredictable duo of
Jack and Killer manage.

Jack started brightly only to suffer a little wobble mid way through
the game. There were mild histrionics but no sarcastic self applause
when missing the land twice. To his credit though jack regained his
composure tried something different for him and won a very tight game
to 18. This was a big step for jack who is primarily known as a home
bowler and this is a game that he definitely would have lost this time
last year.

The Killer went on a run that suggested he would put the game beyond
Hall green on his own but, like so many before, found his lead eroded
and at 18 across the momentum was against him. Chris though like Jack
has matured fantastically over the past 12 months managed some big
shots at squeaky bum time to claim victory to 18.

Chris James was up against Dave flowers and Scotty was up against
Martin Fowles. the two homesters were both in fine form using the
green beautifully to their advantage with some fiendish marks being
played. Scott and Chris both worked hard cutting down the twos and
staying in the games as long as possible and our 11 and
12 finished with 13 and 12 respectively to bring home the victory by
ten. I Know both will be thinking a few bad ends cost them both from
getting withing striking distance of a win but Dave and Martin are 2
very good players. On a tricky green they went on with a target they
had to reach and they did everything we needed and asked off them.

The final four managed to hold the deficit to 11 and leave us with a
win by ten. While a few of us can bemoan our performances it was a
brilliant away performance. with no single figures and 8 winners i
have to be delighted.

The tea at the Hall green was an odd one packed full of quality but
not one that you would say was in abundance. This left a hole in poor
Killers tummy as two plates just isn't enough for the calorie machine
so when we got back to the Otlon he hovered up the left overs and
bought a couple of packs of crisps.


The Alliance side picked up a very healthy home win by 57 over the
Bradford with single figure cards for Dave Follows and Alan Savage
both breathing down the necks of the current A side.

I doubt he will read this but this week we welcomed a new gaffer to
the pub and it was a good start as his staff didn't burn the pizza.
Apparently we will become an Ember Inn which if the Hall Green is
anything to go by is great news for the Camra members amongst us.

The first midweek games

Thought for this midweek is paraphrased from seminal a Edwin Starr hit “Midweeks what is it good for? Absolutely nothing”

Midweeks at the Olton are a tad odd this year - 4 teams, none of them have a full schedule, they all start at different times and we at this moment have way too many bowlers wanting to play to be able give everyone as many games as they would like. Come a few weeks time we could be scrabbling around for bodies but you never know. Certainly we have to look next year at changing one league and perhaps if we continue to attract players explore the feasibility of adding a 5th midweek side.

It was cup week in the East Birmingham and Captain Pete had been bold, leaving himself out and sending a rag tag bunch of ragamuffins to the Bradford and leaving and even stranger side at home. The home side comprised of 3 Taylors and a Messiah, while away Karen enjoyed herself entertaining Tony and the Bobs.

At home we got off to a good start with CJ winning 7 (seven) yes you have read that correctly take some deep breathes, and yours truly winning to 5. Scotty split the difference with a win to six and even had time to show his immeasurable patience and tact by calmly deciding an end should be called dead after a duff measure rather than throwing the cantankerous spectator over a hedge. Steve completed the clean sweep winning 11 to give us a 55 win at home.

Meanwhile away at The Bradford Karen and Bob had put the game beyond doubt with wins to 4 and to 10 while Tony and Bob 2 lost to 10 and 11. A seven shot away win allied to the huge home win equals through to the next round of the cup.

Thursday A

Our only midweek side to start league bowls in April made its bow last night at home and a packed house of supporters were there to roar them home or, more accurately, stand around chatting and distracting everyone within 100 yards from what was happening on the green. Maybe it’s the friendly nature of the league and maybe it was the noxious cloud of weed that blew over from the neighbours and filled every pore but whatever it was a very chilled evening.

Wiggy begged and pleaded to be involved on a Thursday and made a very average start winning to 14. CJ went behind early moaning and groaning before being all smiles when he ran out winning to 12. Karen won 13 and jack finished of a big first four winning to 5. Something had to go right for the poor lamb who had lost his wallet, left his fags behind at the Olton and was locked out of the house naked so had to steal some clothes of a washing line on the way to the game.

The second four found life a little more taxing Dave Evans, Chris James and Steve Myatt all losing in tight games to 16 17 and 20 respectively. John Lloyd though bucked the trend and put a disappointing last season behind him with a good win to 14. So a win by 37 with 5 winners equalling 15 points a good solid start.

The dawn breaks!

I awoke to sunlight burning through my curtains and the sound of birds chirping. Spring had sprung and the first game of the season was upon us. i fired up my phone and took a cursory glance at face book. I was amazed to see hundreds of posts all saying the same thing - in Solihull it was "oh dear chaps there has been heavy precipitation,its a sign the bowling season has started" and in west brom it was "bloody raining ow yam gonna be able to chuck without getting me perm wet" whilst in coventry it wasn't remarked on, as working there i can attest to the fact there is a gray hazey rain all day every day hanging over the drab place. 

After wondering for a short time why all these people were up at an ungodly hour i decided to ignore them and get sorted for the Oltons return to Div 4. Our previous efforts haven't gone that well and the last time i played in four for the Olton was a pretty miserable experience some 20 years ago. Whatever happens this year i guarantee it wont be miserable or boring and if i have to take my clothes off to manage to keep that from happening then that's exactly what i will do.

This year i am attempting to be completely colour coordinated after my more hap hazard colourful attempts last year were somewhat ridiculed by the Trinny and Susannah's of the Olton. Today was an all neon lime green affair, top, tracksuit bottoms, socks, trainers, boxers and phone case - boy was i a sight to behold and if it got dark i could be used as fluorescent lighting.

The game started with Larry Goodridge against Martin Fowles. Larry started strongly but never really found a higher gear and was eventually pegged back by the always impressive Mr Fowles losing 19.

Jack was another in the first four to get bogged down in a marathon game of tit for tat and just falling short losing to 18 against Dave Flowers. Jack is under pressure now with his old man out for his place and also not having won a game while dating his current partner.

Dave Hosgood was bowling well and the cry of "Hosgood-is good" was ringing around the green. As the game progressed it was more "Hosgood-was good" until he took control at the end of the game to win 13. 

I rounded out the first four winning to 3 and this left us 21 up after 4.

Steve Myatt was up at 5 and continued the trend for games of 30 plus ends, falling to a steady drip of ones and losing to 18.

Richie started a run of 7 straight winners with a solid performance winning to 13

The Olton Tavern boyband was on at number 7. John Price, or should i say Harry Styles, has earned this moniker as yesterday he showed he could only bowl in One Direction - Boom Boom!!! Please don't do a Zayn Harry, otherwise you wont be able to bowl in any direction. After a bright start Harry was pegged back but with things looking rocky for the pop prince, Harry played up and it was another hit for Harrythat let him finish the game off winning to 15.

Ian Jackson,making his OTBC debut, fitted in perfectly.  He marked two winning cards, provided hours of fun for all with Yorkshire stereotypes and bowled his new green very well winning to 13.

The middle four took us up to 40 up and not even the giant ego of Wiggy and the explosive temper of killer Greenhill could cock this up now.

Wiggly was on nine and took his natural position of second in the sweep with a solid performance winning 11. During the off season I approached the Moseley with a swap deal of wiggy for a box of grass cuttings. I was told unless i took all the grass cuttings for the season away, painted the clubhouse and threw in a bag a scratchings for every registered player it was no dice. Sorry Boys,  I tried. Next week i will tell you how i tried to sell Wiggly to a travelling circus.

Killer was in a bolshy mood, defending himself in the pub from our constant merciless abuse but we knew he was only playing as he only gets serious when he unsheathes his dirk and waves it at you. Chris was another to not really hit top gear but came away with a decent win to 16 over the experienced beer reviewer Steve Price.

Chris James wasn't happy with his performance but class is always class and despite dropping a couple of late doubles still won to 15.

At ten across things were looking a little dicey for Scotty but he dug deep to find his preseason form and was yet another winner in the 13 club.

So a win by 69 against an experienced division 4 side was a brilliant start. This time last year, while confident in our strength we had struggled home a little against the forget me not. Whilst everyone was a little rusty, 18 as your lowest card is a great effort so early in the season. Hopefully as the midweek games eventually start piling up we can go through the gears. Thanks to Hall green for playing their part in such a fun and pleasant opener to the season and look forward to seeing you next week.

The Alliance side took a trip to the Bradford and while they fell short by 30 it was an improvement on last years result and is a bright start with several players still to come into the reckoning.

This year will see a new feature for the Olton Blog as we follow Captain craggers and his adventures in the Summit league and potentially some words spelled correctly.