I act real funny, and I don't know why, scuse me, whilst i smash my wood against an edging slab....

This Saturday started badly with rain, rain and more rain. This leads us onto reason 17 Wiggly's picture is used as a dartboard at the Moseley - he is a selfish Pr*ck. While his team mates are preparing for a game, whilst some are racing back from a family holiday to play, Wiggy - who didn’t fly till 10 on the night incidentally - is busy doing a rain dance to get the game off. Secretly putting the water on at 5 am Saturday morning to try and make sure the game has to be rearranged for when he comes back. At a conservative guess by a chief OPTA analyst, Wiggys actions cost the side at least 40 shots, 3 corners and 2km per man in coverage. I hope a little metre squared rain cloud follows you on holiday.


By two the green had one puddle and lots of surface water. By three the puddle was gone and pockets of surface water remained and as the game continued it was any ones guess whether your wood would run on or stick in a hidden pool.

Larry was first up and continued his fine season with a great win to 8. Larry has been incredibly consistent all year and for me has probably been our best bowler (Wiggy is 6th before he asks).

Jack looked confident with his new woods but the look on his face when he dropped them in the club house was priceless. Relax Jack they are just bits of composite and mean nothing, do not get emotionally attached to them and don’t give them a name or take them to bed with you at night. As a Jedi bowler you should know love and passion will turn to hate and anger - emotions are your enemy young padawan. Jack looks comfy throughout and wins 14.

Steve Myatt made his season debut in the first team and after a wobble in the middle of his game bowled very well, showing why he is the reigning club champion. Steve ran out from a fair way down to win 18.

I was last of the first four. My opponent was excellent and I have no excuses for losing to 18. The green was wet and slow though and Alan was really lucky, add to that the slippy nature of the green that added to my injury I sustained last Monday resulting in me having to hop through the day and have only have one leg to balance on while delivering my bowls.

According to Russell Grant this was going to be the worst day of my decade and I should have stayed indoors. Mercury was battling Venus in Uranus which is particularly bad for a Capricorn when Wiggy is in your new moon performing a rain dance. The Tarot reading I had that very morning suggested I would be betrayed by a friend (wiggly I presume but friend is a bit strong), the weather, a card marker and a rogue tuft of grass that kept moving to whatever mark I was bowling. As I say no excuses Alan was just the luckier man. At this point I should point out that it wasn’t a fit I had at the side of the green but my Jimi Hendrixing of my bowl was suggested by my Voodoo master who had also seen the terrible nature of this day in his chicken bones.

A sacrifice was called for and with 3 players on holiday I couldn’t spare any. For those interested the Bowls have been found a loving home and are recovering from their injuries but should live a long and happy life together, I think they are planning to retire in Warley.

I will keep you updated on my health via facebook I am at the surgeons this afternoon to see if they can repair me again. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life walking around like Walter Brenan in Rio Bravo

Rocky was our number five. After a slow start rock had bowled himself into a winning position and then promptly lost. This game set the record for the most woods carried for no score and got Scotty singing again.

JP who once again came up trumps with the grub had a hard game and similar to my own just couldn’t lose his opponent anywhere before falling to 18 in a high quality game.

Savo was seven won to 14 in an inconsistent game. I believe Ping seems to go close to the jack But pong just goes up and down the side of the green.

Eight starred the killer who was magnificent up to 19 and then his opposite number decided she would be great until she got to 12 which I can only imagine she felt was a respectable score and promptly threw them all over the place allowing Killer the win that should have come 20 mins earlier.


9 featured the return of the Lowe who was resplendent in his new glasses. I think he was going for the Harry Palmer look but came out more Harry Hill. Lowey wasn’t at his best but still won 12 and had a sing along to my sharona.

Dodge was on at twelve but came of in short order bowling some excellent stuff with a win to 7. Thanks for cutting the holiday short Dodge hope the win proved it was worth it. Wiggy take note this is a proper team player.


That left Scotty and Jaymo on the green at the same time. They have been together at the end of most games this year and appear to have some kind of symbiotic link. Both Got the block at 16-15 down and both bowled the same mark at opposite ends of the green. These two are that much in sync they should replace that gay diver and his partner no one remembers at the next commonwealth games. It did come slightly askew at the end as Chris won 16 and Scott won 17 but their partnership on the green is uncanny and certainly makes my life as a captain easier.

245 -181 a win by sixty four on a very wet and tricky home green. On the day the Wernley were superb and made a mockery of their league position however we have been brilliant away from home all season and I can only see more to come from this side. Today didn’t all go our way and we know we have to continue improving to reach our goals I am confident we won’t let our standards slip again and we will push on stronger as the season progresses.