line to a book and can be easily spoiled by the transposing of a
couple of letters. I was searching for a great opening to this, the
first blog post of a new season but failed miserably so you get this.
Of course Lolita happened to be forbidden fruit - a young girl nowhere
near legal that was stirring passions of all around her. This is a
stretch so stay with me but Bowls is my Forbidden fruit. A game so un
cool, so universally unpopular and frowned upon, a game that spreads such
disgust among the general populous that I hide my love for it. I walk
the streets hiding my shame as every patch of grass cut to 5mm stirs
something in my special area. My heart beats faster, perspiration
gathers in the crevice of my upper lip and my limbs shake
uncontrollably, which at least explains my errant woods. The time, however, has come to break away from my Humbert Humbert-esque machinations. Bowling
greens float my boat! There, I have said it and its out in the open.
The one thing that gets me going more than a freshly cut bowling green are woods. Lovely
beautiful spherical woods. Tactile, shiny, smooth woods. The way their
curves fill your hand, their hard cold sheen teasing my finger tips.
Whenever anyone comes toward my bag my eyes narrow Lee Van Cleef like
as i glare intently, my brain working overtime to convince me they are
after my bowls, after my lucky charms themselves. Everyone is a
thieving magpie, a Clare Quilty looking to cuckold my woods,steal my
precious and part me with my beloveds.
Explaining my fixation, my beguilement with this stupid bloody game to
the general unwashed public is a tricky thing. People look at you
reaching for some unattainable understanding, they gawp perplexed as if they are trying to
follow a science or maths documentary on BBC 4. Their eyes droop as
the conversations length verges on Heavens Gates running time (this is
something you should avoid with apostrophes) and they struggle to
understand the complexity of large marbles. The conversation always
includes pearls of wisdom like, do you wear white? And is that where
you have to get close to the little white one? Or the instant classic,
is everyone you play with dead? I am fed up of having this
conversation, so through the power of this blog I am putting out an
open challenge to everyone, to not only come and watch a game but come
and try it. There might even be a drink in it for you.
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