Presentation Night

As the club did not have a presentation last year it was decided that this year we would do something low key, just to ensure we actually managed to hold one. The venue and format was chosen and skittles at the Highwood was set. It was a good job we did as it was a year of unprecedented success and unbridled harmony and that was something that needed celebrating together. As always, ticket sales were slow until the week before the event when suddenly everyone came out of the woodwork all clammering to see what wonderful and stylish outfit I would arrive in. Despite some misgivings about the venue from some of the younger hipper members of the club a good turnout was secured.



The preparation started in Earnest when the chuckles bought raffle prizes. The chuckles have a long history of great raffle prizes - from DVD players and MP3 players to exotic drinks or Anne Summers vouchers - you get no cheap wine and stale biscuits from the chuckles. The other raffle tradition we have is for is winning our own prizes back and I was hoping this would be a trend that would continue tonight.

After a quick drink at the Olton and a look at the progress the green is making, I gathered up the raffle prizes and my bag of special awards and headed to the Highwood. The prizes and trophies were arranged and Scotty went up the bar to order a couple of milds. 30 seconds later Scott went ashen as the barmaid declared the round as £6.60! Thankfully she just wasn't the sharpest tool in the box and that was his change. With the pricing sorted and relieved I wasn’t on the water for the rest of the evening we hit the quiz machine. It must have been a case of too many cooks spoil the broth and the mild being rather strong as the chuckles plus jack, cat and JP got as many questions right as the first one voted of a weakest link does.



The pairs for the skittles were drawn and it all started well with skittles being knocked down left right and centre and the team of Killer and your Captain took an early lead. Due to the excessive alcohol intake by the second round gaps were being found left right and centre and some people were finding it difficult too hit the lane let alone a skittle. As we went into the break we still held the lead but with the food being served next it was debatable if we would ever see Killer again.



The food saw several visits from Chris and no one has been reported ill yet so that has to go down as a success although we were only seconds away from a blazing saddles like food fight. I felt like Hedley Lamar as I returned from the little boy’s room to have an egg sandwich whistle past my ear.



A hush came over the room and it was presentation time. Steve Myatt was doing the MC duties and CJ was a less than impressive Dolly dealer even managing to walk into the skittle alley that he had been playing on for the hour previous. He let out a girly like shriek, dropped the trophy while letting loose a barrage of expletives, claiming his leg had been sheared off by a large wooden splinter and generally making out like he had trodden on a land mine. The damage was latter photographed. Unfortunately the skittle alley didn't come of as well and was survived by 9 pins and 3 balls.

Highlights of the presentation were the chuckles winning the Ken Hughes doubles, myself winning the Wednesday averages the (hardest to win in the club) the Dodgewana doubles victory and Cat and CJ winning the handicap doubles - CJ being the handicap. Jack won the Thursday averages but as it was Jack we withheld the cup. Jack reacted like rumple stiltskin stamping his foot until it went through the floor and needed six of us to pull his leg out. I was called to the stage to present the 21st cup to a very deserving winner in Karen Burton and my speech unified and enthused everyone in the room into such a religious fervor that I am officially counted as a cult leader. I then presented the special awards, Scotty winning the king of the Taylors trophy, Wiggy winning the 9/10s of a season undefeated hat of luck and a special leaving present was given to Cat in the hope she doesn't forget who we are when she is off on her travels. Congratulations to those who won awards and a big thank you to everyone that played in the teams encouraging and pushing everyone to achieve their best.

A surprise presentation to my self was made for being just as ace as I told everyone I was. The bottle is very much appreciated but I only prodded you all in the right direction - the club had to react in the right way and you should all be proud of yourselves for how far the club has come in 12 months. Me? I am just glad you didn’t all leave me looking like a melon, dick in hand waving it at the enemy on my own.

Raffle time had finally come around and I was feeling lucky but first we had to sit through the Downes' clans unprecedented run of family member ticket drawing. Thankfully for all concerned they didn't make a beeline for my prizes. With Pete Greenhill taking the picture of a turkey (I can’t wait for the reaction when he realises its just the picture he won and not a turkey) and another guest taking an advent calendar, there was still hope I would come out with a win. Jack got pulled out and he went straight for our Havana club bottle, lime squeezer and pack of limes combo and promptly pulled out my ticket while crashing the Havana, what a legend. I went up to the table to find 10 bottles of wine left and the toffee popcorn vodka and sensations popcorn pack so generously purchased by ourselves earlier in the week. Without hesitation I took the good prize and settled in to watch everyone fight over what is the least worst bottle left to choose. Eventually the raffle drew to a close with pretty much every table winning something so once again a big thanks to all who brought tickets and provided prizes it was a huge success and contributed to the almost £200 pound profit on the night.


The final round of the Skittles was interesting. Balls flew everywhere the odd skittle that was hit were being launched into the air and one reveller who had too much of the free spirits actually sent one ball down Highwood Avenue and into someone’s garden. It was very embarrassing having to knock on the door and ask for my ball back. It all came down to mine and killers last go we needed a combined 11 to win. I got unlucky with my split and ended with a solid seven. Bungee took three down the left hand side with his first and victory was assured, but hold!!! Not so fast - Chris had spied the remains of the buffet and sent his wood down the empty side of the alley while reaching for a sausage role. I tried to stifle my cries but couldn't and gave a strangled yelp of frustration, killers next ball was as terrible his arm had gone to jelly. Thankfully though he hit a kink in the wood and managed to topple a pin with the wind of the wood as it whistled by. We won!! Champions Champions Champions!! I was duly awarded a bottle of wine no one took during the raffle.

All that remained was a game of killer for 50p a go. Lots of big guns went out early and it came down to a shoot out of the Downes clan Sue, Chris and Lisa against the Bell connection of Scotty and Bally. The ladies blinked first before Chris, Scott and Ian went a few rounds without missing. Just as I was getting bored and about to turn the lights out and declare a draw Scott and Ian missed while Chris held his nerve to take the cash.


I hadn't known what to expect but it turned into a really good night we do need to look at what we do with the presentation next year but at the moment i think we should look into having the presentation and organising another skittles night as well.

Thanks to everyone who came and everyone who contributed to making it such a good night. Next Stop Cats leaving do and the Warwick and Worcester presentation.