Amazingly, my very expensive polo shirt from a well-known and much loved department store was exactly the same shade of blue as the Club shirts of the Norton. I could easily have passed for one of their team except for me being far too handsome to play in a team with such an ugly person as large bottomed Mikey Tierney. It’s nice to see some things don’t change however. The green was in immaculate condition as always and the elderly bar staff were still pouring my last pint I had there from 18 months ago. It still wasn’t quite on time for the start of the game but it was close. The major change to the Norton is a new electric fence but as Sully was on the green rolling up it doesn’t seem to have worked.
The Draw threw together a battle of the Beards as Lyndon and his 18 ply angora beard was pitted against Adam Easthope whose beard compared to us mortals is a luxuriant mass of wire wool. Against Lyndon though the nickname "the beard" started retreating through "the stubble" to ""the five o’clock shadow". Lyndon won 13 in a game that both players can take great credit for. It’s a good job we aren’t very continental and playing boule though. Kissing at the end of the game could only have led to a Velcro like attachment that I fear would only have been uncoupled by industrial strength shears.
Nick Newey continued his dislike and complete bamboozlement with the green but did manage to register a personal best with 13 against the much improved and impressive Paul Baller.
Adi Burchell drew Sully and between them there bowls looked like a packet of Rhubarb and custard sweets. Sullys custard woods looked the business but couldn’t get close enough to beat Adi’s rhubarb red rockets as Adi covered Nicks score 21-13. To be fair, Ades woods look more like radishes but what pillock puts Custard on radishes, saying that I usually put manure on my Rhubarb.
Ian Porter was drawn against Mikey “Son of Mossy” Tierney. Mikey sends me messages a lot asking if the people he has beaten are any good or not. Usually I say nah they must be rubbish cus you beat them. Today though he played a very good and experienced player and used nearly all the things Mossy taught him to beat Ian to 16.
With the first four off we had 2 winners and had the mammoth lead of 3.
Chris Marshman stretched the lead to 10 with victory of Pete Rose 14
Sepp Newy put his case for MVP beating the younger better and more handsome Baller to 16. Dan really needs to undo that top button though because he doesn’t look like the style Guru he believes he does, but more like a badly dressed manakin in Primark's window. Sepp then held a rally in front of the bingo players getting of the ring and ride to further the cause for his MVP and county campaigns.
I drew the ledgend Ian Hickey. Both of us will feel we didn’t really hit the heights but it wasn’t a bad game by any means. The highlight was the last end when at twenty across I managed to put two around the block, ledge struck and hit but only scattered the one leaving me on for game. Ledge from 7/8th the way across the green did his best Oddjob impression, frisbeeing the matt all the way to the club house sending a pint flying and carpeting the slabs with shards glass.
Nick Wyer closed out the game with a victory beating Chris Baker 21 -19 in the predicted tight match.
So six winners and a an 18 shot victory. It was lovely to see some good friends again less so to see Mikey Tierney but you can’t have everything. A big shout out to Carol and Pat who still do great grub
Another rainy home game as we welcomed a youthful Nordley B to Fort Woodfield. Before the game got underway the new Sepp Newy banners were unveiled. "John Newey OBE,CBE,MBE,MVP "- a shoe in for your county". "Make your voice heard Vote Newey!!! MG’s all round".
Lyndon was first to the green and has recently shaved and his head to looks like a newborns arse, his beard though just continues to grow at a rate of knots. If you dyed his beard and turned his head upside down he would be the spit of a troll.
The beard does have its bowls advantages though. If Lyndon walks up the line his beard manages to brush the grass hiding those pesky lines your wood leaves in this weather and making things harder for his opponent to judge. This proved to be the difference today as Lynd wins 21-19 against the surprisingly tall John “not Ronnie” Corbett
Adi Spider Burchall has gone up class changing the spider to spidre - his new found pretentions haven’t affected the bowls though as he beat Dan Bodley 21-14.
Nick Newey had a tight victory over Trevor Lunn 21-17 and Ian Porter put in a MVP performance beating Ross Edwards 17. Will port win MVP or will the marketing juggernaut of Sepp Newey secure the votes of the Micronesian countries and pip Port to the accolade? Find out in a few hundred words and a couple of pictures.
4 winners to start but only a lead of 18. With me to go one and a single figure card more than possible the game was still in the balance.
John Newey took the best result honour, surely a prelude to another MVP beating Gary Jones 21-12 and Chrish Marshman guaranteed victory with an impressive win over Andy Jones 21-14 putting us 31 up.
I played Mark Hall who bowled exceptionally well to earn best result MVP and the I beat Craig Taylor Badge that is awaiting a fresh reprint due to me having to give them out like Blue Peter badges. I lost to 17 which is about par for me on Woodfield. We play on the wrong green :-(
Nick Wyer closed the game out winning 21-18 against Roy Joinson in another tight encounter.
After the game Lyndon decided he would try and kill people with tiny sprinkles of some California reaper Chilli. All I can say is I am so glad I didn’t get any up my nose in my eye or god forbid somewhere worse .
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