Sunday 25 May 2014

The Lord said to Noah, "there's going to be a Floody Floody"

With Friday night's Bomber cup game cancelled and persistent precipitation all morning there was a serious danger of the game being called off. We arrived about half one and the green wasn’t too bad - some slight sweeping was needed but by two the green had mostly drained by itself.

The game started on time, but after 15 minutes the heavens opened and poured forth its contents upon our beleaguered heads, forcing all the games to run for the shelter and their pints. After discussions with the opposing captain it was agreed we would see how the sun - that was by now burning down and drying the ground - would effect the surface and make a decision from there. In half an hour most of the puddles had receded and we sent Wiggy on to sweep off the remainder. Unusually for the weather conditions the home team were champing at the bit to get on and the away team would rather have gone home for a cuppa and a dry out. The Tavern this year though seem to be a side with a purpose, full of confidence and enjoying their Saturdays far too much to have to lose one. That ans we had already paid for the tea.

With the game safely being played lets join the action after the rain break...

Jack restarted his game at 4-9 and still had his tracksuit bottoms tucked into his socks with a brutal beret adorning his bonce that thankfully covered his flock of seagulls inspired barnet. Jack was having one of his days where he heard all the rubbish from the side, ignored the stuff he should listen too and his brain gently boiled under the tea cosy he was wearing. He took off the hat, the excess vented through his ears and nostrils and from 13-17 he ran out to win 17.

Larry resumed at about six across and flew out of the blocks, scoring six quick fire twos to take the game away eventually winning 10. The rain delay made Larry slightly late for his carvery but meant he got first dibs on a fresh turkey - god works in mysterious ways.

Scotty lost the first few ends after the break but soon, albeit with one wood, found form to match Larry’s score with a victory to 10. Buoyed by his victory and feeling ten feet tall Scott turned into Hagrid, uprooted a table umbrella that was set in concrete and paraded around with it like it was a Japanese geisha's parasol.

Here is Hagrid, followed by a real Geisha's parasol.






Dave Hosgood returned to winning ways allowing 1 more shot than the carvery kid and Hagrid did rounding out an impressive and rock solid first four with a win to 11.

After four we were 36 up

I took to the green with very wet feet and a becalmed salmon pink with a hint of coral orange rugby shirt. I am proud of the Estonian heritage I have made up to go along with the Tallinn Tigers shirt and would like everyone to know that I am a distant relative of proud warrior old Thomas and we were European capital of culture in 2011. We house the headquarters for NATO Cooperative Cyber Defence Centre of Excellence (CCDCOE) and some giant bint dropped a bowler and cried to create lake Ülemiste. The OTBC Is Estonia’s favourite Bowls club and one day they will erect a statue of me there. I won to seven.

John Price proved not to be a puppet on Sandie Shaw's string, defeating the songstress to 11. Thankfully John didn’t have to resort to stepping on her toes and instead continued getting to grips with his new home green in impressive fashion.

Graham Scarrott came in as a late replacement for Richie and battled hard against a lady who already had a big win under her belt on the tavern this year. Rocky battled hard from 12-3 down to finish with a very respectable 15.

Number two in a 3 part series of crap hats was the other Savage. While not at his best the always mercurial Alan bowled wonder wood after terrible wood and eventually won to 17.

After 8 we had moved to 58 up

Killer Chris Greenhill responded to criticism that he isn’t ruthless enough with an impressive sweep wining performance 21-5, just missing out on the ever increasing 21-4 sweep. Chris also took my dinner money and spat in my drink - I thanked him.

Wigglies encounter was number 1 and 2 in the league averages. Not that you would have got that impression by watching the game. It was at this point Camp Scotty started turning the day into OTBC the musical. His delightful tones bashing out seminal 2 in a room 1990s hit wiggle it just a little bit. Wiggy will complain if I don’t put his score so all hail wonderful Wiggy yawn. Wig wins 11.

"Where is reason Seven?" I hear you cry? Well, it I didn't want to say this but I think Wiggly is a thief. When we thought we had to spike the green with a fork yesterday, Wiggy comes out with a combined spongey spikey thingamajig!! No wonder Moseley was called off yesterday - probably because Bill Kinchin couldn't find his spongey spikey thingamajig!

Popeye Chris James completed the trio of deplorable headwear and was seen picking his feet in Poughkeepsie - either nobody heard that shout or I am just operating on a different level. This was easily game of the day, with Chris having to pull out some great winners to keep ahead eventually winning to 11. This earned a serenae by Tenor Taylor with BOOM BOOM BOOM let me hear you say Jaymo. The Outhere brother happened to over hear from the beer garden and demanded 16p in royalties they were told to jog on in a very impolite manner.

Dodge and his wall of noise was charged with bringing up the rear and the red skull didn’t disappoint. It also shows the average age of the first team is getting younger as a pop culture reference had 3 of us getting the joke, up from last years record setting year of 1 person half getting a post 1960’s reference. Chris bowled very well in being another 21-10 winner. The final total a 98 shot win.

I would like to thank all the team for their attitude and commitment to the cause, to Wiggy for being a sweeping machine, the Downes' wall of noise - who may need to time things a little better but their support and enthusiasm has been wonderful, hopefully we can get one or two playing. Dave Hughes once again for bringing a little bit of Yorkshire to a game in Bob horns absence. Also a big thanks to my mother and friends,especially Linda who confessed to once having dated Gilly. To think he looked the same when he was 14.

Thanks to all in attendance and to the Marsh Lane for letting us get on with things without pressuring us one way or another.

Finally, a picture video of Wiggy - as close to the sweep as he ever gets. Boom Boom


2 comments:

  1. I would like to say I have never stolen anything from the club, but OTBC has stolen my heart. xxx The lover man Wiggy. (Wiggling it as I post)

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