The Olton is like most bowls clubs: a unique place full of strange and disparate creatures who more fall together and coexist in a generally fractious manner, than lovingly embrace each other’s foibles (ooooeeeer missus). There is always the chance for high drama, implosion, explosion indeed any kind of osion you could name. This Saturday though was one of those days where pretty much everything came together in a perfect blend. A drunken pseudo sporting riot that left everyone pretty happy. Even the ones recovering from the bitter disappointment of a loss could at least look back on an amazing day, where a great match was played in the proverbial correct spirit at a thunderous decibel level. Afterwards, two sides came together to literally drink the bar dry. Ok, with the pub shutting the next afternoon it’s not so mighty an achievement but screw it I am probably still drunk while I type.
After a day of rain the green wasn’t at its quickest but with Kings Norton coming from a smaller quicker green that may not have been that much of a disadvantage. The atmosphere from the start was electric for the not-quite top of the table clash. A win for us would mean if we win our home games our opponents would need to win every game to catch us and was played in a very winner takes it all manner.
Larry and his little woods started brilliantly against Colin Simpson and this was a game that certainly drew my eye while I was playing (when you should be concentrating on your own game and leaving the rest to me!! Ed). Colin though hit a big shot and whether it was because things were going so well Larry kept attacking, but the momentum had turned and a flurry of twos bought Colin back from the dead. Larry managed to get back in and start the day of with a win 21-17.
Dave Hosgood was up against Martyn Batty who is having a very impressive year. Dave Bowled really well but got stuck on 16 as Martyn eventually wore him down. Still, 16 against a danger man was a fair card.
Steve Myatt was playing young prodigy Kieron Wilkes who was immaculate, bowling the same mark Ian fry had so much success on earlier in the season. Steve though is a dogged competitor and a much better bowler than given credit for and dug deep to pull out a very good 14 and keep the game tight.
I played my Ex Kings Norton team mate and most talented gap toothed youngster in the country, Dan Bowfinger. With the game close Dan managed to knock me up and that proved to be the difference as I closed out an erratic match 21-14.
So one down after 4 but I felt they had used 3 of their stronger players and with a strong middle four I was confident we could build a lead quickly.
That Confidence was eroded quickly when Jack Savage, a tall talented left hander with a home record of 1 loss in 3 years and that was to 18, was dismantled by a relative novice. Nothing went right on the day for the off white shirted one. In the morning he stubbed his toe ripping the nail off and coating his mom’s best towels in blood. Tesco Sheldon also still appear to be out of Daz as his favourite white shirt was a grubby grey stained colour. Try as he might Jack just couldn’t put anything together today and Paul Norris bowled very well to earn a 21-8 victory and put Kings Norton 14 up and firmly in the driving seat with two other cards in good position.
JP has been in sparkling form lately but found himself up against it as Peter Eaton bowled some very tidy stuff to lead early. JP though has a history of sterling comebacks and produced another here at a major time. As JP was making his comeback the returning Richie was showing rust against Paul Knight who bowled tremendously throughout. Richie found some form later in the game to scramble to what could turn out to be a very valuable 16. Meanwhile on the green Bucko had started well against Paul Tombs but with the line in sight and a single figure card beckoning the white line fever hit and Bucko Refused to reach. At this point it felt like the game was getting away from us and Kings Norton were ramping up the noise and drowning our superior numbers as doubt was creeping in. I would like to declare that at this point I jumped forward in heroic fashion, launching into a crazy spell of running, shouting, whirling of limbs and general tomfoolery to reignite our belief and to quieten our noisy visitors, but in truth I had finished my drink and was fed up Of Bowie not noticing my pleas for a fresh one. I decided to launch into an unprecedented "look at me" performance that singularly failed in its attempt to garner a drink but did have a unifying and galvanising effect on our side. As the breath left my body and I continued to wail and exhort, Kings Norton exes just looked on with awe or sympathy - I hope the former but secretly believe it was the latter. Just as Paul tombs comeback was gaining the momentum of a stampeding bull Buck managed to coral the raging beast and win to 14. JP was still going his marathon comeback with his game evenly poised on 18-18. At this point we were nine down and if JP could run out, 6 down was a decent return if Peter did 12 down was looking a difficult get. 3 other games were underway at this point Chris James had started well and we were hopeful of a card. Yorkie hadn’t started well at all and was looking like cancelling Jaymo out but Chris Greenhill had got off to a flyer and the game was looking like coming down to the last end.JP eventually completed his comeback victory 21-18 and left us six behind.
Scotty hit the green with Ian struggling, Jaymo up and Chris Greenhill still up but being pegged back. At this crucial stage, Scotty needed a good start and thankfully delivered.
Chris Greenhill was first of the last four off beating Rob Eels 14 and putting us a head for the first time since I came of the green.
One up and Jaymo was flying. A quick check on the cards and Jaymo was 10-2, Yorkie was 1-10 and Scott was around 7-2 it was all to play for. Jaymo was always looking good value for a big win against Janet lovesey who hadn’t been able to make the roll up and was struggling to follow lefty J on a mark made for his delivery. Jaymo came of winning to 5 and putting us 17 up and Leaving Ian and Scotty needing 26 between them for the win.
In a normal match you would think that would be easy but today nothing would come easy. At 18-3 I haven’t seen a Yorkie marmalised in such a fashion since they did a Yorkie Mcflurry or since the trucker in the 80’s adverts took a more than manly bite. He certainly wasn’t being treated in the sensitive and seductive fashion a female rabbit would treat a caramel or countless young ladies treat a flake, oh good lord no. This was brutal and uncompromising. Yorkie's delivery that usually looks like he is sending Cadburys cream eggs had developed in to him rolling Tobelerones down the green.
Scotty needed to win to save the game and was bowling some fantastic stuff. His leads were exemplary as he took a 12-3 lead. About then though something started stirring in deepest darkest Rotherham, some miller spirit long since extinguished surged to the surface and Yorkie started to slowly turn things around. People looked on aghast as woods sent seemingly the wrong bias and wrong land wobbled and bobbled to the block like a drunk weeble managing to get home after a night on the lash at Barbie’s place. 20-10 down, Yorkie was down to one chunk left while Scotty sat pretty against Dan Hickey 16-5, one shot was all we needed to secure the victory. In all the emotion and relief and dryness of still not getting a drink I can’t remember who got the winning shot. In true sporting movie style they scored it at the exact same moment. Yorkie went on to finish with 19 and Scotty completed his epic performance winning to 5 and leaving us with the least comfortable 28 shot victory in the history of bowls.
After the game Yorkie went home to shower and get the protractor out to try and establish if his woods are actually an isosceles triangle or a right angled triangle. Its true what they say, they do breed em different in Yorkshire.
I waited for as long as a polite man can for a drink from Bow and then the heavens opened and somehow I got involved in countless different rounds that frankly I couldn’t keep track of with an abacus. With The Somersby and Bulmer’s now dry the craft ales were down to £1.50 a bottle and going fast.
After a serious amount of drinking we somehow found ourselves on the green. The light had all but completely gone as Dora and I took on Dan Bowe and Paul Knight while Scotty and Killer took on the Rob Eels and non-bowling celebrity supporter Kevin Keegan. I have no idea what happened but apparently myself and Cat lost, meaning another trip to the bar before ordering our guests a taxi home somewhere around ten before retiring to the bar to chat with Solihull’s elders Ken Twyford and evil Grevillite Emerys Davies. Lots of people laughed at my drunken state and posted rude things about me the next day on facebook the rotter’s.
My thanks to Kings Norton ex’s for a wonderful day a great game and their company.
Special thanks to the alliance players without a game: Cat, Henry, Dave, Pete, Kaz and CJ who all showed up to support with Pete even ending up measuring for us, and to Brian who went to the Greville to watch as nobody told him the game was cancelled but still came back and gave us a shout.
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